Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
