theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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