i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
