Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
