did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
