Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
