called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i will never coherently bang her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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