my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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