If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
