you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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