# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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