i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
