insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
