If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
