he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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