Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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