So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
