Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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