is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
