well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my being single is dangerous.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
