you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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