The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you had me at cake vodka
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
