Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
