I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
