Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
