so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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