I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
