I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
