My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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