Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
