I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Alive.
So much puke
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
