problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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