Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
