Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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