I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
