Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
