So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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