I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
