Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
