Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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