i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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