Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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