I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
love makes seman taste better
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
