I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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