you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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