no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
