Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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