I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize