He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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