OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My hand turned me down
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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