You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
