In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
