Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
