I can tuck mytits in my pants
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
