So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
