Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
