i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i think i just lost a toe
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
