Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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