I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's intense
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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