Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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