So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
