life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
