We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
