cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
