he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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