She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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